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Oh I have a fetish for older women. Aka TINA FEY.
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5/8/2010
Why is it that recently I feel motivated to do things I originally thought was pretty lame. Just recently I took up tennis… I mean WTF. When do i do this? I really need to get back on some medication. I think people should collaborate with me on a daily basis about goal setting. That way maybe ill be much more achievement oriented and and less procrastination.
Help….
Collab?
:]\
Ben.
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HehehEHEHEHEHEHEHE!. YEW BISH.
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Juz Saying
Hoes suck forreal. Workin corners all day. They don’t even have leisure time. Workin the pumps 24/7. Keep posted.
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March 18th 2010
Sorry If I haven’t posted in a while, I have been caught up in so much other shit I don’t tend to think about these things anymore. I think this whole drama shit is really starting to get to me as of lately and I really don’t like it. I have lost so many friends now and I walk the halls acting like I don’t know them because I lost that once great feeling I had of being comfortable. I wonder if that will ever change…
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Journal March 12th
This weekend I get to spend some alone time with me and my child. Every time I see her though my heart races it’s weird having one of my own. At the same time I can see why its cool because its your own blood line and I find that just really interesting.
Right now I think Im kind falling out of my own body, I feel like this sense of me I had once is slowly disappearing and it scares me. I wish I knew how to get it back. I feel like im losing that part of me that I want so bad yet I can never get it back because we are constantly an ever changing society and I can’t just rewind back. If I could though..I wonder if I would sometimes. Or if I had the chance to start all over again, should I? It always makes me curious. I think I don’t deserve second chances but I sure as hell learn from my mistakes because I can’t seem to fucking learn anyway else sometimes.
Maybe someday, I’ll find myself… That part of me lost.
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March 10th,2010
Im stuck in limbo right now. This one is gonna be short. As I went home today I had kept having mental relapses over and over again. I think im bipolar but I wouldn’t be entirely sure because doctors just say stuff. The meds dont seem to be working hmm… I think I reallly need some help but other than that. I really hate the saying “Different day same stuff”, the more I honestly hear that the worst it makes my day because im trying really hard to have a better out look on things but every time i hear shit like that it just puts me right back where I was. Im tired of people hating me just because they aren’t happy with their lives so they take it out on me. I have a lot going through my head right now….
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March 9th, 2010
Journal: March 9th 2010
Today I am in class. Its Tuesday, not really excited because i’m coming in from work,for it makes this a really boring night(Not gonna lie though I honestly hate working with these shitty children at a fucking middle school and really want to consider finding a new job…). I’m going to be going to Jordan’s apartment tonight so I’m excited to see him because I’ve been pretty out of whack lately. I really think sometimes I’m going insane, but I am not entirely sure to be honest. I really should work on making some progress towards playing a different sport again to keep me occupied… Video games aren’t really working for me and women just tire me the fuck out… I have had some interests though recently in a new lady. Not sure if it’s really going to work though because my life is going to shit.
I hope maybe by the end of this week I’ll make some more money, ugh im so short on cash… I really hate this feeling and need to possibly find another source of revenue (Hehehehe you know what im talking about hopefully with my mind). I really wish my school wasn’t so boring sometimes, all these people are so old and im so young. Maybe its karma getting at me for being a fuck up in high school.
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March 8th, 2010 (Side note)
I fist pumped my way to cincinnati ;]
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March 8th, 2010
Today I think is gonna be a new week because today is monday… Oh wait yeah im free as a bird now right. All I can really do now is look for the most positive forces in my life in order to make a difference for myself. I think this my prove a thing or two for me. I really need to work on asserting myself as a human being I think in order to meet the satisfaction and needs of others so we all can have clear pictures and perceptions and that way we all wont be confused. All I can do now is hope I push through hard though…
(Bleh I can’t believe I forgot to get my damn book for one of my classes still .)
xBenx
